Stronger Than Infertility by Heather Huhman

Author:Heather Huhman
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Workman Publishing Company
Published: 2023-06-16T20:02:06+00:00

Warrior Action Steps

Communicating Your Needs as a Couple

As your relationship as a child-free couple evolves, communication is key to strengthening your partnership. But good communication is more than just talking; it’s showing your openness through your actions.

• Share your triggers. Talking with your friends about their kids, attending baby showers, seeing cute baby videos on social media—triggers are everywhere. Make sure you and your partner discuss your triggers so you can offer each other support when the need arises.

• Find new ways to nurture. Many people feel they’ve given up their chance to use their nurturing skills when they decide to be child-free. But this can place an unspoken stress on your relationship. There are thousands of ways to nurture without being a parent. Plant a garden. Babysit your nieces or nephews. Volunteer for people in need. In other words, direct your loving nature into something productive that will help you cope.

• Listen; don’t fix. If one of you is struggling with the decision to be child-free, don’t try to “fix” each other’s feelings. It’s better to make your partner feel heard and unjudged and to allow them to feel the full range of emotions, from grief to happiness.

• Reaffirm that your partner is your priority. It’s common for people to have doubts about whether their partner has truly accepted being child-free. This is particularly true if one of you (and not the other) is the source of the infertility issue. Look for ways to remind your partner of why you chose to be with them. For example, Tia says it always helps when her husband, Mark, says, “I married you. You come first in my world. Everything else is secondary.”

Living Your Best Life

Once you’ve worked through your initial grief, you’re ready to start living your best life. For couples who have spent years on the infertility journey, planning treatments and scheduling appointments, your first inclination might be to start mapping out the rest of your life.

“You have the freedom to make a lot of choices,” says Dr. Alice Domar, an expert in mind/body health and infertility. “But you don’t have to decide right now what you’re going to do.”

Start by defining what child-free means to you. For some couples, being child-free means not enduring another high-risk pregnancy or painful miscarriage, and they decide to go back on birth control. Others take the “we’re not trying, but we’re not preventing” route. Figure out which path is right for you.

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